One of those nights where your thoughts just loop, or spiral, and you can’t tell what’s worse, the repetition, or not knowing whether they’re approaching any kind of truth. You’re pretty sure they’re not helping anybody, not you or the people you hurt. Step 9: “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” The kind of night when the thought of killing yourself is somehow cathartic, when you just close your eyes and imagine what it would be like to know peace, nothing, nothing but peace, forever. Hey, man, there’s a whole in my head where information goes… hey, man, there’s a whole in my reason that I gotta close
You know you’ll never do it, at least not on purpose. That part of you that wished this time you would do just a little too much and who really gives a shit about the sucker who finds your blue lipped corpse? Not you, no, you’ve long since nodded into oblivion. But now all you can do is write about it on the internet.